


A Beautiful Gift

by Peramia



Category: Firefly
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Parenting, Broken!Simon, Child Neglect, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Empath!Simon, Implied Torture, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con Elements, healer!Simon, psychic!Simon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-08
Updated: 2013-10-26
Packaged: 2017-12-10 18:42:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/788986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peramia/pseuds/Peramia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon's ability to heal people runs deeper than most believe. The Alliance discovered this and now he has to find a way to save both himself and River. How will the story change when Simon is barely hanging on to the threads of his sanity?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - There Once Was A Boy

Simon Tam was a very special boy. He was a very special boy with a very special gift. He had always known he had this gift. It was a part of him, as assuredly him as the color of his eyes. His parents, though, they hadn't known. They knew he was a genius, their talented heir, but nothing more. No, not until the day he ran saved a small bird from the cat that had just crushed its windpipe did they truly understand.  
  
He'd held it gently, so gently, as it struggled for breath in his small hands, his head bowed. His father had just begun to explain about loss and the cycle of life when they saw the child open his cupped hands fully. There, to the astonishment of the adults watching, the bird had hopped up and chirped at them. Its feathers were not even ruffled as it stretched its crimson wings and flew away, singing. Simon had laughed in delight even as his parents starred at each other in shock.  
  
Oh, how special their boy was! Once the initial disbelief wore off, they began to dream of the great things he would do. Their boy would be rich! He would be renowned the world over! He would bring honor to the Tam family!  
  
They began to prepare him for his future. They put him in the best schools, introduced him to the most advantageous playmates, and slowly molded him for the plans they intended him to follow.  
  
Then, a few years after the bird incident, they had little girl. River was even smarter than her brother, but her Special Talent was not nearly as flashy or as useful, in their eyes, as her brother's. So she knew when people lied and how to find lost things, what use was that for making money or luring a well-connected husband? No, despite how Simon doted on her and praised her abilities, they knew it was Simon who would bring their family glory.  
  
And so, when the Alliance offered their boy a place within their prestigious Alliance Academy for Gifted Youth, they pushed him into accepting. He didn't really want to go, didn't want to be separated from his beloved sister, but his parents insisted and he did so want to please them.  
  
So Simon Tam, at 15, left his family for the chance of a lifetime. And if he suddenly stopped sending letters regularly or if they sounded strange, well, it was nothing, surely. This was all for the good of the family and his future. His parents just kept basking in the advance in social status they got from being able to say that their boy was a genius even the Alliance couldn't help but notice.  
  
The only one to worry for poor Simon was his little sister. She Sensed that something was wrong, but didn't know what. So she studied, and made herself special so that the Alliance would notice and want her, too.  
  
Unfortunately, she succeeded.  
  
It had been five years since his parents had sent him to the Academy, and he'd long since given in to the comforting embrace of madness. It was the only thing that made living bearable. They wouldn't let him die, he'd tried to kill himself several times but they always brought him back. The punishments for each attempt weren't worth trying again, so he simply let himself drift.  
  
That is, until the day came that he heard a familiar voice screaming his name in fearful agony. A light came on in his eyes that had not been seen for years. He was paying attention to the now. The doctor currently questioning him stared in amazement as the young man in front of him suddenly snapped into awareness and cocked his head to the side, listening.  
  
"SIIIMOOOON!" The anguished screaming was coming closer. In a flash Simon was on his feet; rattling the door knob and banging his fists against the locked metal door, trying desperately to get out, to get to her.  
  
"River? RIVER!" He yelled for her, ignoring the blood that was smearing the once shiny steel as well the orderly and doctor attempting to pull him away.  
  
"SIMON! HELP ME!" A few dull thuds and pained yelps sounded from behind the door before that wonderful voice became louder and someone began to pound on the door from the other side.  
  
"River, I'm here. River? River?" He could hear her screaming for him in the hallway as the guards apparently responded to the temporary escape and began to subdue her. He felt a pinch in his arm as the doctor finally gave up trying to physically control him and just injected him with a sedative.  
  
"SIMON! Let me go! Simon!" Her voice was growing weaker as they sedated her, too. Simon fell to his knees, no longer able to hold himself up as the drugs began to take effect. He continued to weakly bang on the door, he had to get to River.  
  
"I'm here, River. I'm here." The words were mumbled and slurred but he needed to reassure her.  
  
He heard a weak, “brother…” in response before everything grew silent on the other side.  
  
River was here; somehow they'd gotten her, too. The old, familiar desire to protect her, love her, help her sparked inside him, becoming a steady flame that he began to suck on for strength. River needed him; he had to get her out.  
  
Slowly, his mutilated gift began to activate, healing his mind of the madness he'd been drowning in for so long.  
  
As he descended into darkness, a plan began to form.


	2. Interlude 01: Two of a Kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback chapter to Simon and River's first meeting at her birth and the beginning of their special bond.

 

7 year old Simon hesitantly stepped into the cold delivery room, his father gently pushing him along. Halfway across the room he stopped, nervous about this new creature that was invading his life. His father knelt next to him and pointed to the clear bassinet next to the closed window. He could see a pile of pale pink blankets resting in it.

 

"She's over there, Simon. That's your sister." Will those directions delivered, Harold Tam swiftly stood up and walked over to his smiling wife.

 

"Oh Harold, she's beautiful. There will be no end of suitors when she's of age." Hera Tam was smiling proudly as she spoke and her husband returned the look.

 

Simon paid no more attention to them, though, as he took another hesitant step towards the bassinet. The doctors had told his parents that they were having another son, early on, but Simon had known. When he'd placed his hand on his mother's belly, he'd felt the _girlness_ in her. His parents hadn't believed him. They'd said the doctor knew his medicine and wouldn't make a mistake like that. He'd stomped in frustration at the time. How could they think it was a boy when she was _dancing_ in there? His mother had just called it kicking.

 

Grown ups are so stupid.

 

He was nearer now. A few more steps and he would see her, the little person he had felt growing for months, now. Bravely, he took a deep breath and then practically ran the remaining distance.

 

The moment he saw her, she opened her eyes. Clear blue stared at him, piercing him, and distantly he felt something slide into place. It's like something had been missing there his whole life and suddenly it was there, filling the spot like the last piece to his 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle of Earth-that-was.

 

"Hello, River. I'm your brother. I'm Simon." Gently he reached down and touched her soft, baby hand. Immediately she wriggled it and suddenly he was trapped, clasped strangely tightly for something so small, in a hand that felt like the feathers on that baby duck he'd petted in the park last week.

 

She's perfect.

 

In his mind, he felt the ghostly echoes of warmth and a comforting heartbeat and knew she was talking to him.

 

Excited, he turned to his parents who were deep in conversation on the bed.

 

"Mother! Father! She's just like me!" His grin was exultant and his parents smiled their bemusement at him.

 

His father answered him, "That's right, son. She's a Tam, just like you."

 

Simon frowned at him and shook his head. "No. She's _like me."_

 

His mother's voice was confused when she responded. "Simon, River is a little girl, not a boy like you."

 

He frowned harder and shook his head in frustration but gave up. Grown ups are too stupid to understand, anyway.

 

He turned back to River and saw the infant was struggling to keep her eyes open and on him.

 

"Shhh. Go to sleep, baby. I'll be here. I'll protect you." He watched as she drifted off to sleep, confident in her new protector, and baby dreams began to softly echo in his head.

 

He had a sister.

 


	3. Chapter One: Escape of the Gyrfalcons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and River escape the Acadamy, but the methods leave Simon aching...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be aware that there are major consent issues in this chapter. Be kind to yourself, if it's going to hurt you, please don't read it.

 

Simon grunted lowly as the man behind him thrust into him again, causing his head to smack against the wall he was braced against. The burn was unimaginable and seemingly never ending. But then, it always was. He had nothing to ease the way besides what little saliva Donovan had spit into his own hand to spread on his erection. Security would notice if one of their guards suddenly started packing lube in with his tranq gun and baton so, as always, he simply had to fake enjoyment. It was easier this time since his 'lover' couldn't see his face.

 

"S-Simon!" The wet gasp behind tickled the back of his neck and then a sweaty forehead was resting against his skin. Simon grimaced first in distaste at the feeling and then in further pain as the thrusts picked up speed. He allowed his mind to drift when it became bad enough that he was having trouble keeping a pained whimper in.

 

Donovan was 21, working as a low level security guard in the Alliance "Academy". For two years he'd been bringing Simon his food every day, three times a day. Simon hadn't paid much attention to him at first, was incapable of it with the haze of madness that had cushioned him from the horror that had become his life.

 

He'd been so excited to come here, he recalled. He hadn't wanted to be parted from River but he had wanted to study medicine. They promised they would teach him to help people. He should have remembered.

 

Grownups are stupid.

 

Grownups Lie.

 

But he'd only been 15 and terribly bored with the college courses he was taking. Everything was too easy. Biology, chemistry, languages, fencing, dancing, music, botany, all of it came as easily to him as breathing and, to his eternal pride, for River even more so. Then the Alliance Academy had sent the intro packet and while the test questions hadn't been _hard_ at least they weren't boringly easy. So he'd gone, hoping for new challenges and praying it would be good enough that River would be tempted to join him when their parents finally agreed to let her graduate.

 

There had been classes, in the beginning. They weren't very challenging but he was learning things that interested him. He'd been born with an instinctual understanding of healing but his gift had been very limited, he could only heal relatively small things and then only so long as his energy held out. He'd loved learning how to heal manually and had been secretly trying to find a way to augment it with his gift. The only bad part had been the other students. When they purposely bumped or shoved or hit him he'd felt it, like poison beneath their skins the jealousy and malice had bubbled over with each touch, burning him inside. He'd started wearing long sleeve shirts and gloves all the time, just so he wouldn't make contact.

 

The doctors that talked to him every month never touched him so he didn't see until too late the web they had built around him with their lies and promises. Subtle questions about why he dressed the way he did or why he didn't associate with the other students began to fill the sessions, easing him into revealing his secret. They made him feel dissatisfied with the way his studies were going and with the way he was treated. He leaped at the chance when they offered him the option of more 'exclusive' learning. He'd signed his name to the permission form with a song in his heart.

 

Then came the 'vitamin supplements' that made him sick and sore and the scans of his brain at all hours of the day and night. Slowly he stopped being allowed to see anyone but guards and doctors and cameras and cold, cold steel. He'd begged to be sent back to regular classes and to see his sister but to no avail.

 

Then they'd stopped being subtle.

 

He was being woken in the middle of the night only to be sedated for surgeries he only vaguely remembered and given drug cocktails that left him screaming for days. Hours and hours were spent strapped down to a chair and physically plugged into a computer that downloaded tactics, instructions, and schematics straight into his brain, shoving the unwanted knowledge with sharp edges and agonizing content inside him until he thought he'd shatter from being so full of _hurt_.

 

It was too much. Too much. He couldn't take it.

 

So he drifted, drifted away where he didn't have to think about it when they asked him to use his gift to manipulate someone's emotions, to break a bone with a brush of fingers on skin and a flex of his mind, to rearrange a person's motivations and personality. To heal patients that were steadily closer and closer to the edge of death.

 

Of course, that was until River came. That day, a year ago, when he'd heard her desperately calling his name outside of the interview room he'd known he couldn't afford the luxury of madness, any longer. River had been his everything from the moment she was born, the one safe thought he could turn to in the night when the pain and mental screams were so bad he wanted to die. The thought that _they_ had her was too much.

 

In that moment, something happened that before had been deemed impossible. He'd healed himself. Not physically, mind you, as far as he knew that was still beyond him, but mentally. He wasn't sure if it was his desperation or River's own gift boosting his or even just the sheer amount of psi talent housed in that one compound. Whatever had caused it, he was able to heal his mind enough to be just on the stable side of sane. He wouldn't pass one of the doctors' many psych evals, but he didn't have to.

 

He just needed to be able to plan.

 

And so he began his great charade. He made the doctors believe he'd reached a plateau in his development. They were kept occupied trying to figure out why their new treatments weren't working to notice. They didn't know what he'd become, what they'd created in him.

 

And so the day came that he was able to take advantage of the blushing attraction Simon knew Private Donovan James held for him. The next time the private brought his breakfast he'd made sure their hands brushed, and then he'd reached for that feeling… and _twisted_.

 

Slowly, touch after touch, meal after meal, day after day, he'd changed the man. Attraction turned to lust turned to caring, turned to love, turned to devotion, turned to _obsession_.

 

River wasn't happy about it, he knew. She didn't like the pain he put himself through or the shame and self-disgust that coated his mind. Disapproval was draped over every word as she whispered secrets in his mind from six cells over. _This_ guard could be bribed to keep others away from his cell for a half hour, _that_ corner held a blind spot for fucking and whispered conversations. Saying _this_ in _that way_ would make the young guard come to the conclusion they wanted him to.

 

Slowly, slowly, the plan came to fruition.

 

A choked groan was breathed into his hair and a slimy wetness filled his insides. Small, delicate kisses were rained over Simon's shoulders as the man pulled out. Finally, it was over. Simon put on a satisfied smile and turned to embrace his lover.

 

"Simon, my Simon. Just a few more days, baby. Penn says they are ready to bust us out. All they needed was that last bit of money I borrowed from my cousin. Soon they'll come and get us and we'll take your sister and go to the Rim and live together, forever. They won't touch us there and it'll be just us. My baby, my Simon."

 

Simon kissed him softly, shushing the possessive rambling and making Donovan close his adoring eyes in bliss. The whispers were too soft for the audio equipment to pick up from this corner but sometimes Donovan's obsession overcame him and he became less cautious. Simon certainly didn't want to chance someone over hearing. He already knew all the details, anyway. They'd been planning this for months.

 

Slowly, reluctantly, Donovan pulled away and both began to pull on their clothes. The man watching the cameras agreed to not mention anything for a handful of moments each week in exchange for a small payment and being allowed to watch the feed but his shift was ending soon. They couldn't be caught now, not so close to freedom.

 

Once the guard was gone, Simon allowed himself to drop, carefully, onto his mattress. They'd taken the bed frame after he'd broken off a piece of the wood in an attempt to slit his wrists years earlier. He dropped into an exhausted and sore sleep as River whispered softly in his mind of fairy tales about a king and the dark goshawk who protected him in their floating aviary. The words slipped into dreams with him and he peacefully watched the scenes play out.

 

 _*It's tea time, Simon. The door mouse is running and blue and white will run red if the tea is steeped to long.* River's_ urgent whispers in his mind woke him from a fitful sleep three days later. It only took a moment for the meaning to seep in.

 

It was time. Quickly, Simon hopped out of bed and went to stand ready next to the door.

 

 _*Does anyone suspect?*_ He thought to his sister, hoping he hadn't gone so far in the twisting of Donovan's mind that obsession over ruled common sense when they were so close.

 

_*The door mouse is anxious, but the cat is away. Softly he sings of the sweets he'll eat but dogs pay never mind to singing mice. Nasty, nasty mouse, not a cake but a gyrfalcon he gnaws, blood and bone and pain. The king will not be pleased.*_

 

Translation: Donovan was anxious but not giving himself, or them, away and River still didn't approve of all that he'd had to do to get them out. As for the king, he had no idea. She'd taken to calling them both gyrfalcons and nightingales for several months, now, but he'd thought it and the stuff about the king and his aviary had been stories made up to ease him into sleep, just as she'd done when they were children. He didn't know why she was bringing it up now. If it's something she's Seeing then hopefully she'd warn him if they get too close to being caught. He had no desire to serve any but themselves ever again.

 

_*It's okay, River. It'll all be over soon and then we can just be together. I won't let anyone control us, ever again.*_

 

When her 'voice' came again it was soft and gentle, _*Wings are broken. Throats cut, Simon. Gyrfalcons and nightingales unfulfilled, crippled. We need the king, Simon. He who loves the sky loves those who fly in it. We can fly for him, can sing for him. He'll shelter us in his aviary and mend our broken bits.*_

 

It left him unsettled, the talk of this king. He didn't want to be a weapon anymore and he wouldn't be. Not for the Alliance and not for a king. He wouldn't let either of them be used, anymore. They couldn't trust anyone but each other.

 

He started to reply but was cut off at the sound of the door opening. Donovan's face peered anxiously into the room.

 

"Simon, come on. We need to get your sister and get to the ventilation shaft of level 3."

 

Quickly, Simon took the hand offered him and stepped out of the room. It was at that moment that all the lights suddenly went out, the emergency lights alone lighting their way to River's cell as they ran.

 

"We have a half hour to get out. They'll all assume it's a power outage, at first, but they'll probably figure out something's up, pretty quick. We have to hurry."

 

Simon didn't reply, simply waited impatiently as they came to a stop outside of River's door and Donovan inserted a machine into the port below the keypad. The pad lit up immediately and numbers began appearing on the screen. A click sounded too loud in the dark hallway and then the door was open and all three were running for the stairs.

 

"Hey! Stop!" The shout behind them sent a new surge of adrenaline flowing through him and he heard River's mental shout to duck just in time for a tranq dart to go whizzing over his head.

 

"Run!" He shouted and grabbed River's hand as they scrambled to the open door leading up. He shoved River through first and was barely through himself when he heard the clangs of two darts hitting the door. Donovan pulled it shut violently and plugged the device in long enough to lock it.

 

The three raced as quickly as they could up the flight of steps. Simon was praying that the staff hadn't gained enough control of their communications to be able to warn the guards in the floor above.

 

God was apparently listening since there was no one waiting for them when they flung themselves out of the stairwell and into the hall on level 3. Donovan pointed to their left, down the dark corridor.

 

"I removed the screws on the panel earlier, they'll have cut a hole in the roof by now and have a lift waiting for us."

 

Simon nodded and they took off again, he and River were breathing hard and struggling to keep going. They had been locked inside small cells and drugged to the gills for a long time, now. They hadn't had real exercise in so long their muscles had long since grown unused to physical exertions. Only the daily injections they'd been given had kept their muscles from atrophying too badly.

 

Finally they reached the grate and Simon waited impatiently as Donovan yanked it off. They could hear yelling now coming from the staircase they'd just come from, the guards were catching up. All the same, Simon stopped Donovan from pushing him onto the platform revealed in the shaft.

 

"Simon? Come on, we have to go. They'll be here any minute." Green eyes were puzzled and panicked, unsure as to why Simon was hesitating now when all they needed was to take one more step.

 

River stared soulfully at her brother before shaking her head at the young private, "Time to go. Dirty mousey touched a jewel, scratched it. Smudged it. Little thief must pay the price. A hand is not enough."

 

Simon leaned in and Donovan abandoned his confusion for a moment. He was obviously impatient but Simon's gift had done its work and he couldn't resist a kiss. For a moment, the man leaned in to it, enjoying the wet heat of his beloved.

 

Simon reached inside, to that crucial part that he'd always tried to carefully tend on his patients. Gently, he touched it, that little golden ball of life. He only half-noticed the gasp the other man made as something deep inside himself was stimulated. The man had no time to react further, however, as Simon suddenly reached and grabbed at the gold. It bunched in his hands like so much fabric and then he _pulled_. With surprising speed, the gold unraveled and soared up, through their connected lips into Simon.

 

Gasping and shuddering, Simon doubled over from the overwhelming feeling of life and death that filled him to the brim. He only vaguely heard the thump of the body in front of him hitting the floor.

 

"Come, Simon. The dogs will tear and bite us!" River's panicked words forced him to look up. Sure enough, the door at the end of the hall burst open and a dozen guards poured out. River quickly helped him stumble through the vent opening and onto the platform, her small hand smacking the button that would send the message to pull them up. She and her brother knelt, clutching each other desperately as they ascended. Darts pinged uselessly against the bottom of the platform and the guards below cursed into their useless radios.

 

Two men, one tall and red-headed, the other fat and balding, were waiting on the deck of the cargo bay as the platform finished settling into place and the ship that had been waiting for them took off. The red-head frowned at them before motioning his companion to help him in getting the two refugees up.

 

"I'm Jason Penn this is Wei Chin. Where is Donovan James? He was supposed to come up with you."

 

Simon's body was racked with shudders still as the man pulled one of his arms around his neck and began to walk him towards a door at the far end of the cargo bay. The fat man had simply picked up his slight sister and was carrying her along. Finally he managed to stutter out, "He f-f-fell. B-bullet."

 

The man helping him sighed and shook his head. "Shit. Well, he knew it could happen. The job's been payed for already and we got the information we needed so don't worry about us fulfilling our end of the bargain. As agreed, we'll get you some supplies, the nest egg Donovan left for you, the cryo box, and a trip to Persephone. After that, I'm afraid; you're on your own."

 

Simon stuttered out an affirmative and lay down as directed on the infirmary bed they'd directed him to. River was carefully laid out on another beside him. He could feel her beginning to panic when the medics descended on them and quickly reached over to clasp her reaching hand. Gently, he smoothed over her fright, layering a small amount of the gold life force he'd stolen over her frazzled emotions. She slowly calmed, focusing inward on the shine of it as it began to heal a bit of the damage done to her body during her year of captivity. He carefully focused his own consciousness on hers, creating a feedback that kept them both sane long enough to be sedated.

 

As darkness began to settle in, Simon's last thoughts were that he had to keep it together. For River, he had to keep it together…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The king, his dark goshawk, and the flying aviary – I'm sure you recognize who and what River is referring to here. A goshawk is a bird used in falconry that is very fierce and protective of its territory and it's eggs. I thought it fitting for a certain king's protector and it fits in with the idea of the aviary.
> 
> Gyrfalcon – Another bird of prey used in falconry. The gyrfalcon is a bird used only by kings, it is a bird only a king is worthy of. River believes they are both gyrfalcons because whoever they chose to follow not only must be worthy enough of them but that person will gain a significant advantage.
> 
> Nightingale – to River, whomever they use their gifts for is the person they will 'sing' for. Thus, she refers to them as both because she sees them flying forth, singing with their gifts, for someone very special and very worthy, the only one who can heal them. Three guesses for who and the first two don't count.
> 
> Blue and white will run red – You may have already caught it, but this, along with the mentions of tea, door mice, and cats are all Alice in Wonderland references. River is warning Simon that if they don't get out quick the plan is going to fall apart and someone is gonna die.
> 
> Lord, but I hope I handled River, alright. She's a little more stable, right now, because of Simon's mental influence over her emotions and the stress of the situation forcing her to focus. Both of them are going to have some serious problems keeping it together in the future. Simon due to the sheer amount of time he was under Alliance control and the experiments that occurred during that time. River because of the experimentation and, especially, because of the overwhelming nature of her gifts. Simon's is mostly touch based, but for River, contact isn't necessary.


	4. Chapter Two: A Meeting of Malcontents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and River arrive on Persephone and Simon tries to find them safe transport off the Alliance controlled planet. Simon and Mal meet and neither are impressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the pun in the chapter title is horrible, but I couldn't resist. Sorry.
> 
> Disclaimer: I did use some some of the dialogue from part one of the the pilot, don't expect this to be a habit. I needed the dinner scene in order to have some interaction between Simon and the crew. This chapter you can see where it's starting to really diverge from the canon timeline.
> 
> At the end you will find notes on Simon and River's powers if you're interested. As always any comments, complaints, questions, or suggestions are more than welcome. Enjoy!

When Simon next awoke he was disturbed to find that they were already well on their way to Persephone and River had been, in Penn's words, "packed and frozen" already. As annoyed as he was to hear his little sister referred to like a box of fish sticks he didn't dare argue.

He wasn't sure it would have come out coherent, anyway.

He hadn't quite appreciated just how much he relied on River or how much her being in cryo would muffle her mind to him. Being able to concentrate on her, the constant effort required to smooth over her volatile emotions stabilized and focused him. Without her, he found himself slipping, falling too far into the feelings of those around him and balancing on the edge of flashbacks with every flash of light and sudden sound.

Another problem he'd failed to foresee was just how out of practice he was with socializing, having not actually practiced the skill since those few months of college courses when he was 14, just before the Academy had picked him up. River had more experience with people, having always been outgoing, and her gift would have made it easy for her to whisper instructions in his ear to ease the way.

But River wasn't here. How was he going to pull this off? Just the few crew on the Dedalus overwhelmed him and once he was deemed as medically sound as they could make him they avoided him like the plague, uncomfortable as they were with his gifts.

By the time they made landfall, he'd finally settled on a strategy that, while flawed, was the only way he could think to get through this. Taking far more out of Donavan's nest egg than he really wanted, Simon bought River some simple clothes he knew she'd enjoy meshing together and himself a few outfits that would befit the stuffy Core surgeon his new i.d. painted him as. He didn't know how a normal person would behave, but he knew doctors and he knew his father, rich snob that he'd been, so he simply combined the two, creating a persona people would hopefully avoid rather than look too close at.

Another good chunk of the money went for drugs and medical supplies. He and River were both desperately in need of treatment and he didn't know enough about what had been done to them to use his gift so he was down to experimenting with drugs. He also needed the basic equipment to set up a practice once on the Rim, but seeing as he'd never been there he had to guess at what he'd need. The whole situation left a bad taste in his mouth but if he wanted to help River he had to put aside his petty complaints. She needed him.

Despite his fervent vows not to fail his sister, he nearly lost it on the Eavesdown Docks, a week later. The sheer number of people and the depths of their anger, poverty, and despair threatened to send his mind back to that little cell. To dark shadows that hovered like nightmares at the edge of his vision despite the constant light. To screams, both audible and mental that echoed from the other psis when the doctors came for them again. The feeling of needles slipping into his… NO!

No! No! No! Don't go there, can't go there. Oh God, he needed River. RiverRiverRiverRiverRiver-

"Hey, are you okay?"

Simon jerked at the hand on his arm and the soft voice of his gift whispering in his mind, _'Gentle one. Shining one. Innocent and pure._ _'_

The girl was adorable and smudged. A teddy bear jumpsuit hung loosely on her short frame and a rainbow parasol that had seen better days was clutched in her hand. Concern was shining from her every pore.

"I'm fine," He stammered out. "Just a little lost."

She smiled cheerfully at him, relieved. "Maybe I can help you! I'm Kaylee. Anywhere's in particular you're looking to find?"

He caught sight of the console just over her shoulder and noted that they were headed to Boros. Well, why not? It had an Alliance presence, but less than Persephone and it would make it harder to find them if they planet hopped, a bit. Besides, any ship with someone this pure on it couldn't be too dangerous, right?

He smiled back down at her, wondering if it looked as rusty and broken as it felt. "I'm looking for passage to Boros. I have some medical supplies to deliver to a colleague there and am in need of transport"

He'd have never thought it possible, but somehow the cheerful energy coming off the girl- Kaylee, she was called Kaylee- seemed to double and she was all but bouncing with excitement.

"Shiny! I'm the mechanic on Serenity, she's the beauty there behind me, and _we're_ goin' ta Boros!" Kaylee snapped shut her parasol and bustled him over to the console, explaining about departure times, passenger fees, and boarding procedure as she went.

Simon, fairly overwhelmed to be honest, simply nodded along. He gave her the fake name Penn had supplied, paid her, and then explained to the man on the ATV where to pick up his luggage and the 'medical supplies'. He hoped he got across all he meant to, with all the cheerfulness and slang that was been bandied back and forth between the man, called Wash, and Kaylee he was fairly dizzy and very out of his depth.

He spotted a man in what he vaguely remembered to be a Shepherd's uniform in the cargo bay and later they were joined by a klutzy, almost mousy, man coming aboard and getting settled but he was mostly too busy trying to focus on River's mind in her cryo box and staying calm to really pay attention to them.

Then he felt it, that wall of dark emotion stampeding right towards him. He couldn't tell at first if it was coming from one or more people, there was simply too much to process. It wasn't until he could see the three figures physically that he could tell them apart mentally. Most of the feeling seemed to be coming, impossible as it seemed, from one man.

Never had Simon run across _anyone_ who felt emotion as _violently_ as this man. How he kept from feeling as completely overwhelmed by them as Simon, he didn't know.

There was _anger_ , here. It didn't burn like fire but blasted like artillery. Large, powerful, and dangerous. _Desperation_. It was a fight for survival that was growing more hopeless by the minute. These two emotions ran as an endless undercurrent to everything else. That they would feel like a natural extension of the man, himself, meant that he had to have spent years feeling both ceaselessly and in large quantities. _Possessiveness_ ran strong, as well. Simon was beginning to wonder if he'd made a mistake in choosing this ship. He'd felt things like this before, in the doctors at the Academy. Doctors who felt they owned him and could do whatever they wanted because of it. Doctors who became frustrated at the lack of results and desperately worried that the lack of them would cause their funding to be cut. Such feelings always come hand in hand with pain.

He knew it the moment the man caught sight of him. There was a slowing of that aggressive walk until the man was standing directly in front of him; and then Simon was drowning. God, how did the man stand it? There was a deep disgust and bitterness there; cast in so many directions Simon couldn't make heads or tails of it. Deep frustration made his head ache and the distrust that muddied the air between them soured Simon's stomach.

Kaylee must have spotted the two of them staring as she was just suddenly _there._ She smiled at first one and then the other as she introduced them.

"Cap'n this is Dr. Samuel Maxwell. Samuel, this is our captain, Malcolm Reynolds."

Simon nodded politely, "Captain Reynolds."

The Captain then did the last thing Simon expected, considering all he'd just felt. Brown eyes flickered over Simon's lean frame and the appreciation in the act didn't even need to be translated.

A cold knot of fear clenched itself in his gut as the Captain moved on.

Simon had obviously gotten on the wrong ship.

An hour later, He was standing in the galley with the crew and other passengers listening to Captain Reynolds tell them that they were making an unscheduled detour and that he wouldn't have access to the cargo hold where his little sister was currently a sitting duck in a cryo box. The man obviously despised him and even the most polite inquiry from Simon was met with disdain and sarcasm from the Captain.

Oh, and the man beside him was a fed.

He couldn't stop cursing himself. He'd been so caught up in the Captain and his own fears that he'd failed to pay any attention to the man called Dobson. Simon supposed he was lucky the Captain had asked to speak to them all immediately after takeoff, it was when he was right next to the man that he picked up the emotions that were so familiar to him.

Dobson was filled with danger, greed, and a sneaky intent. There was a ruthlessness and sadism that flared to life every time he looked at Simon. The man felt no compassion towards any of the people he spoke with. The mental profile was the same as he'd felt in every Alliance operative he'd ever seen.

Simon wasn't sure how the man had found them so quickly but he needed to do something about him before he could compromise them. He couldn't Twist him, the man obviously knew of Simon's gift and had taken care to wear long sleeves, was standing with a good foot of space between them, and had crossed his arms so his bare hands were hidden away. Simon couldn't cross the space without looking odd, couldn't Twist him through the cloth, and he certainly couldn't kiss a complete stranger in the middle of the galley surrounded by people, either.

He'd have to bide his time and think.

After gathering his things from the cargo bay with the others, Simon was escorted by the first mate, Zoe, into a comfortable, if spartan, cabin. He promised to attend dinner at 1800 and closed the door.

Reluctantly, Simon placed his red medical bag on the bed and opened it. He reached for the slim case tucked into the secret pocket in the bottom and then sat down hard on the bunk as he stared at the object in his hands.

There were times, in the Academy, when the doctors had boosted their gifts to a near painful intensity, River had called it Jumping. It was dangerous and could only be done for short bursts, but it had come in handy. He'd had River search in the minds of the doctors to learn the cocktail of pharmaceuticals it took to make and he'd memorized them. He'd made sure to buy them when he was stocking his supplies and had mixed up three syringes worth that same night.

It would hurt, if he took it, but it might boost him enough that he could Twist through a thin layer of cloth. Of course, it would probably strip him of any control. He could barely handle the emotions of the few people aboard now, what would he do if it was all enhanced tenfold? God knew what that Captain would do if he felt one of his passengers had gone crazy. Probably shoot him.

Finally deciding that it was too big a risk, for the moment, anyway, Simon tucked the box back into its hiding place.

He spent the next few hours huddled up on the narrow bunk, trying to prepare himself for dinner and the hour he would spend buffeted by the emotions of the crew. He wished bitterly that River were here. Without his sister's constant presence in his mind he felt as though a very crucial piece of his shattered self were missing.

River had always been there, in the back of his mind, even when they were children and their gifts were still young and un-mutated. It had hurt, so bad, to spend those six years without her. He'd felt sort of hollow. Then they'd taken her, too and they'd broken apart their gifts and rearranged them in ways they were never meant to be. It had made them more powerful, yes, but unstable. In desperation, the siblings had turned to one another and to the connection they'd always shared. They stole little slices of each other and used them in place of the missing pieces inside of them. Those pieces that had been ground to dust in the breaking. It had helped them survive and while they weren't exactly sane, they were at least better off than the other students.

But now, once again, he was without her. He hoped like hell the detour to Whitefall didn't take too long because he could tell that each day without her was going to send him further down that dark spiral.

Shuffling footsteps in the hall outside broke him from his morose thoughts and he uncurled long enough to glance at the monitor across the room displaying the time. 1800. Dinner time. A small idea sprung to mind and Simon quickly stood up and walked to the door. He slid it open just enough to peek across the hall to where he knew Dobson was staying. There was no movement, no sound.

Cautiously, he opened the door further and slipped out. There was no one in the hall; they'd all gone to dinner. Moving quickly, Simon made his way across the hall and into the adjacent room. He allowed his gift to stretch outward, knowing it would warn him if anyone got too close.

Bags littered one corner of the room so that's where he headed. Moving as fast as he could Simon looked through them, one by one. A kernel of hatred flared to life when he found two guns. He tucked them into his waistband and continued looking. It was in the fourth bag that he found what he was looking for. It was a hand held computer, with full Core access. Simon stuffed the find into his pocket, put the bags back into place, and went back to the sliding door. He concentrated for a moment but felt that no one was in the vicinity so he again made a quick dash across the hall and into his own room.

He checked that both were guns loaded, then hid the larger of the two firearms in the hidden pocket of his medicine bag and used medical tape to lightly attach the other his right leg under his pants cuff. It would hold the gun there until he needed it but come off easily if he tugged. For once, Simon was grateful for the many dark and horrifying things that had been downloaded into his brain. The knowledge was going to keep them safe.

The hand computer was small enough, so he tucked it into his right pocket. If Dobson realized it was gone it would be just as easy for him to search Simon's room as it was for Simon to search his. He didn't want the man to have the chance to contact the Alliance. He didn't think the man had already done so; he'd have made a move to subdue Simon, if that were the case.

Everything in order, Simon walked into the hall and headed for the galley, the gun a heavier weight on his mind than on his body.

Chatter and laughter drifted out to him as he approached the galley. The warmth and contentment coming from the room relaxed him a little without his meaning for it to. It had been so long since he'd had contact with the lighter emotions that is was a little intoxicating.

The others were bustling around the small room, grabbing plates and drinks and moving food laden platters to the long table for distribution. Kaylee looked up and beamed at him when he stepped in.

"Samuel! Come on in and take a seat! The Shepherd helped me make dinner with all kinds of fresh stuff so we got a real feast!" Smiling back at her was easier this time with those bright feelings eddying inside him, lifting his spirits for the first time in years.

"Thank you, I look forward to it."

Soon enough they were all seated crammed together on mismatched chairs around a scarred wooden table. Simon had hoped to sit next to Dobson and use the close quarters as an excuse to touch but Kaylee had quickly pulled him into the seat next to hers at the other end of the table.

The cheerful conversation was subdued for a moment when the Captain shortly refused to let the Shepherd say grace. Simon took the opportunity to address the man.

"So does it happen a lot? The government commandeering your ship, telling you where to go?" He needed to know if this was the only unscheduled stop they were going to be making. He still wasn't sure he'd make the trip sane as it was, any more time without River and he was going to have to think of something.

"That's what governments are for, to get in a man's way." There was a deep resentment in that comment that Simon could relate to. It also didn't answer his question.

"No, it's good if the supplies are needed." Dobson. Of course the hun dan would defend them.

"We're just happy to be doing good works." Simon blinked in surprise. That had to be the last thing he expected to come out of the muscle head's mouth. From the wave of amusement and disbelief that swept through the crew around him, they must agree.

It was the first thing he'd heard the large man say. Simon had been keeping his distance from him from the moment he'd seen him. The guy was practically drenched in lust and aggression, two emotions that Simon wanted nothing to do with.

"I hear some of the border moons are in bad shape. Plagues and famine…" Dobson's pointed out, waving his fork slightly.

It was Zoe who answered him, "Well some of that's exaggerated and some if aint. All those moons, just like the central planets, they're as close to Earth-that-was as we can make 'em. Gravity, atmosphere, and such but-"

She looked askance to the Captain when he cut in, "Once their terra formed, they'll dump settlers on there with nothing but blankets, hatchets, maybe a herd. Some of 'em will make it, some of 'em…"

The deep bitterness around the Captain and his first mate was obvious but it was the conviction in them that disturbed Simon. Were things really that bad, out there? If so, how would he find a safe place for him and River? If the people were that desperate they'd jump at the chance to claim whatever reward the Alliance had placed on their heads, regardless of any hatred they bore towards the government.

Could he even hope to find a safe world with so little knowledge of how life worked out here? And if the Captain hated the Alliance so much, why would he be delivering medical supplies for them? The man was certainly crafty enough to go unnoticed if he wanted to so why had he let himself be saddled with the job? He decided to test the waters a bit.

"Then I guess its good we're helping." He watched closely for the Captain's reaction but the man only looked at him. There was something there, but he wasn't sure what the feeling was. If the man was lying, Simon couldn't tell. That was a first, for him.

"So, you're a doctor, right?" His somber musings were broken by Kaylee who, for the first time, was speaking without nearly vibrating across the room with cheerfulness. It was almost like she was normal, for a moment.

"Oh! Uh.." Channeling his father, Simon delicately wiped his lips with his napkin before answering softly. "Yes, I was a trauma surgeon on Osiris in Capital City."

He knew he was answering a little too carefully when a spike of suspicion came from the Captain, Zoe, and the muscle man but he couldn't help it. He had memorized the background that came with his and River's fake identities and there were over 300 hospitals in Capital City alone, far too many to check his story too closely, but somehow Dobson had found him anyway, so there was some flaw he couldn't see.

"Long way from here." The Captain said, his casual tone layered with something sharp and dangerous.

He was relieved when Kaylee cut in, giving him an excuse not to answer. "You seem so young to be a doctor."

Relieved, that is, until he felt the attraction oozing out of her awkward smile. Simon looked around the table a little nervously, muscle man was getting jealous and Simon was starting to wish he'd stayed in his room.

He decided to just dodge the question. "You're pretty young to be a ship's mechanic."

Oh no! Kaylee's affection and nervousness doubled at what she took as a flirtatious comment. "Don't know how. Machines just got workins' and they…talk to me."

The Shepherd smiled indulgently at her, "That's a rare gift."

Kaylee smiled self-consciously back at him and the wave of adoration Simon felt blasted his way was extremely uncomfortable. "Well not like being a doctor! Helping fix people, that's…important!"

Simon felt it the moment muscle man couldn't hold back anymore. "Little Kaylee, here, just wishes you was a gynecologist."

Simon had never wanted to melt into a chair as much as he did in that moment. The sentiment was echoed next to him as muscle man cackled meanly. Poor Kaylee.

"Jayne! You will keep a civil tongue in that mouth or I will sew it shut. Is there an understanding between us?" His anger was protective and reminded Simon sharply of him and River. The Captain viewed Kaylee as a sister? That didn't fit in with the possessiveness he'd felt, earlier. Commanding officers who felt they owned people didn't care. Perhaps they were actually related? If they were then his situation just became even more precarious. God knew what a man like that would do to someone for 'corrupting' his baby sister.

Jayne bristled at the authority being held over him. "You don't pay me to talk pretty. Just because Kaylee gets all lubed up over some big city dandy doesn't mean-"

"Walk away from this table. Right now." The command was delivered calmly and with complete confidence that it would be carried out. That's curious; Simon knew the Captain was still angry so why didn't the insubordination make it worse? If anything, the Captain calmed further.

Jayne met the Captain's hard stare for all of 10 seconds before angrily standing, spooning more food onto his plate, and storming off.

Simon's eyes stayed on the man who gave the order, though. He didn't understand. He could feel the ever present anger, swirling below the surface. Why did he not show it? He'd never met anyone who could push away that much anger as though it didn't exist. It's almost like the Captain harnesses the feeling, using it to strengthen every thought and action.

And Jayne, if he was constantly chafing at the authority why did the Captain keep him on? Simon turned to look at him head on. "What do you pay him for?"

The question took the man off guard. "What?"

"I was just wondering what his job is, on the ship."

The captain stared at him for a beat. "Public relations."

The man was infuriating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Both siblings possess two gifts. Simon's has his healing/harming ability and it is completely touch based. As a child he could heal small things before he ran out of energy. He also has empathic abilities and they were touch based back then, too. When the Alliance got a hold of him they, at first, just helped to exercise his ability and come into his full potential. At that point, he could heal one or two major injuries OR several minor ones. Then the experimentation started. Now his empathy works at a distance, the same building for regular people but just about any distance for those which he has a bond with. He can only twist emotions and minds through physical contact.  
> River, however, has the abilities of telepathy and precognition, but she can't manipulate the mind or body like Simon can. She can read people's minds that are around her, but if she doesn't know them and/or hasn't formed some kind of bond with them it's limited with distance. If a bond does exist she can pinpoint them just about anywhere. She can only speak mind to mind with Simon due to the bond they share. It's a side effect of their gifts.  
> Her precognition is limited to herself and those she feels a bond for. She's only been able to see the king and his aviary for a few months because Simon's choices were leading to a meeting and she senses they need them. Once she grows to love them and forms attachments, she'll be able to see their futures and minds over great distances, too. Think of the episode Safe, when she read Saw Book get shot with her precognition and then followed Simon after he was kidnapped and knew Mal was coming back with telepathy despite Simon's few miles of distance or Mal's several light year's worth in space.


End file.
